The promotion went to someone else. The client you'd spent six months on walked. The project you led went over budget and everyone knows it. Or you got pulled up in front of the team, and you've been replaying it ever since.
Setbacks at work hit harder than people admit, partly because they're public and partly because work is tied up with how we see ourselves. The good news is that bouncing back is a skill, and skills can be practised.
Elite sport is built on setbacks. A team that loses on Saturday has to be ready to play again in a week. The best coaches don't pretend the loss didn't happen, and they don't let it run the next week either. They follow a process. Here's a version you can use.
Step 1: Give yourself a set time to feel it
Plenty of coaches use a version of a 24-hour rule. You're allowed to be angry, flat or embarrassed for a day. Then the review starts.
This does two things. It stops you pretending you're fine when you're not, which tends to leak out sideways at home or at work. And it puts an end date on it, so the setback doesn't quietly take over the next month.
For a bigger hit, like a redundancy, give it longer. The point is that you choose the window.
Step 2: Separate what happened from the story you're telling
Write down what actually happened, as a list of facts. "I didn't get the role. Sam got it. My manager said I needed more experience leading people."
Then write down the story your head is adding. "They don't rate me. I've wasted two years. Everyone's talking about it."
Put them side by side. The facts are usually smaller and more fixable than the story. The story is what keeps you awake at night. You can only act on the facts.
Step 3: Review it like a coach would
After a game, a good coach asks three questions. Ask them about your setback:
- What went well? There's almost always something. You got shortlisted. You built a relationship with the client's team. You handled the fallout calmly.
- What didn't go well, and what was in my control? Be honest, and be specific. "I didn't prepare examples of leading people for the interview" is useful. "I'm not good enough" isn't.
- What was outside my control? Budgets, restructures, timing, someone else's decision. Name it, then put it down. Carrying it doesn't change it.
Step 4: Pick one change
From the review, pick one thing you'll do differently. Just one. Make it specific and give it a date.
"Ask my manager for a chance to lead a project before March" beats "get better at leadership". If the change involves a hard conversation, our guide on preparing for a difficult conversation with your boss will help you plan it.
Step 5: Get a small win on the board
After a setback, confidence takes a hit, and waiting to feel confident before you act rarely works. Pick something you can finish well this week, a piece of work you're good at, and do it properly.
Athletes coming back from a bad game are often given simple jobs early in the next one. A clean first possession. A tidy first lap. Small wins rebuild momentum faster than big speeches.
Step 6: Talk it through with someone
Setbacks shrink when they're said out loud. Pick someone who'll listen and ask good questions rather than just tell you it'll be fine. A mentor, a trusted colleague, a partner or a mate who's been there. Saying "here's what happened and here's what I'm doing about it" turns a setback into a plan.
What not to do
- Don't make a big decision in the first 24 hours. Resigning in the car park feels great for about an hour.
- Don't replay it on a loop. If the same thoughts keep going round, our guide on how to stop overthinking at work has practical ways to break the cycle.
- Don't pretend it didn't happen. Setbacks you never review tend to repeat.
Try it in Pocket Mentor
Pocket Mentor is built on a framework from high performance coaches in AFL and F1. After a setback, open a chat and talk through what happened. Your mentor helps you separate the facts from the story, review it the way a coach would and pick the one change you'll make, then gives you a summary so you've got your plan in writing.
START WITH POCKET MENTOR.